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IDENTITY

  • Writer: Jennifer Langdon
    Jennifer Langdon
  • Jan 12, 2017
  • 6 min read

Good evening readers,

Once again it has been a while since my last blog.

I’m back at work since the Christmas Holidays, and as always am running on the treadmill of life just trying to catch up.

Tonight, I thought I would dedicate some ‘air time’ to me. I am feeling selfish, and feel like I want to talk about myself for a while. This blog has been prompted by events over the last few weeks.

A few weeks ago I was faced with a scary prospect – my 20 year High school reunion.

20 YEARS!!

20 years since I left sixth form college. Holy Mother !!! 20 YEARS!!!

Reading through some of the comments and memories on the ‘reunion’ page brought back a lot of memories – some of them great, others not so great. However for many reasons, I might go into here tonight, I will not be attending.

Then I was greeted with the prospect of another reunion. This one taking place between a group of old colleagues / drinking buddies / people I used to know, from my brief (and highly unsuccessful) stint on a sales floor in the city over 15 years ago! Again looking through the comments and photos a flood of memories came rushing back. Most of these good, many of them making me cringe in my seat.

However, for a few reasons – mainly to do with location / money / baby sitters – I will probably be bailing on this reunion too!

The other thing that has prompted my selfish post tonight has been the flooding of my ‘news feed’ on my social media page of the ‘7 things about me’ post. I have been really interested in reading my friends’ ‘7 facts’. So I thought tonight, I’d take off my ‘mummy’ mask, my ‘teacher’ hat and get back to who I really am. Remember who Mrs Langdon is, and how I got here.

So here we go. 7 things about me.

1 ) My Dreams.

When I was growing up I wanted, above all else, to be a journalist and writer. Somewhere I lost sight of this dream. I love to write, and I really do not know what happened to this dream. It is still there somewhere. Maybe I’ll write that novel one day. Or short stories. I have a collection of little ideas buzzing around my head, and maybe when I retire I’ll get round to writing them all down. Maybe.

2) My Mistakes

I’ve made many of these, it is hard to pinpoint the biggest. I think that the mistakes you make really shape the person you become. To the point where you look back and actually they were not mistakes at all. For example – for a while I began to doubt my decision to move away from English teaching to concentrate on my passion – Drama. As an English teacher you are delivering – arguably – the most important subject within the education system, certainly one of the most highly regarded. Drama, not so much. As a result I often worry that by moving away from the ‘academic’ subject I have slowed down or even stopped my chances of getting onto Deputy or even Headship one day.

However when I actually think about it, Drama and Performing Arts are truly my passion, and I feel one of the most valuable subjects a student can study. I firmly believe that the Arts have an important place in education. I will fight for this every day, in every lesson I teach. If it takes me longer to climb the ladder as a result, well what’s the rush?

3) My fears

I’d like to say that I’m actually not afraid of anything. I am a ‘face the problem head on’ kind of person, find the positive slant and go with that, run headlong into the crisis and see what happens. This is truly my philosophy.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have any fears. I am terrified that something will happen that means I won’t be able to look after my children. I’m scared that, at any moment, someone might come along and pull the rug from under us. I am also terrified that one day I’ll be faced with a problem I won’t be able to work out. But I never let this show, and will always face these fears with fierce courage and determination. Whatever is thrown at me.

But there is one thing I am utterly terrified of, something I can not stomach, or deal with on any level. Camels. I HATE them. Smelly, spitty, nasty animals that have weird faces and wobbly humps, skinny legs that look like they might break under the weight of their horribly shaped bodies. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Bet you weren’t expecting that?

4) A bit of fun —

My favourite book(s) of all time would probably be the Harry Potter series — I know I know… I’m a literature teacher…. there are so many great literary works out there… and I do like them… I do… but if I need comfort, cheering up, or just want to escape without really thinking…what will I pick up? Well, Harry Potter! So sue me!

My favourite genre — definitely gothic fantasy ,,, anything dark, supernatural, sci-fi, fantastic I love. Currently my favourite TV series is GRIMM. I feel like this series has been written solely to suit my tastes and viewing needs. That and ‘American Horror Story’. Excellent

5) My favourite place to be

Sitting on the veranda of my house in Italy. If I could go nowhere else for the rest of my life, the one place I would wish to stay would be there. Looking at the mountains and then the stars at night. Nothing better, no where more peaceful or beautiful to me.

6) My Regrets

I do not ‘do’ regrets. Regrets means that you have not learnt from your experiences. What is the point sitting there, beating yourself up by saying… if only? I mean if I had pursued my dream of journalism, I would not have met my husband, had my children, found my dream job. If I had made the choice to remain at my first school I might be a senior leader by now, but I would not have met the wonderful people and students at my second and third school. If only I had not given up dancing, if only I had not chosen dance over the piano, if only if only if only. I could go on and on.

So no, no regrets.

Except one.

I wish I had one more chance to talk to my granddad. Just one. I would love to talk to my granddad again. I want to tell him all about my life, I want him to help me choose my cars, I want him to meet my kids. He would have loved my son. I want him to pop round and paint my house, for no other reason than he ‘thought it needed it’. I wish I had appreciated this when I had the chance. Why didn’t I just sit and look at him when I could. Why?

So maybe this one regret.

7) My thoughts on getting older

So this post was prompted by a few invitations to reunions. Yes, I’m getting older. But I’ve left behind the young, slightly insane, impulsive, dramatic and insecure girl I was and replaced her with, albeit a rather cynical and comfy version of my better youthful qualities – my sense of fun, my energy, my creativity and my passions. Above all I am learning that life isn’t perfect, crap happens, and it sometimes happens when you least expect it. I’ve learnt that I can actually deal with the ups and downs, I can survive. I’ve learnt that it is OK to make mistakes because if I didn’t make the mistakes all those years ago, I would not be sitting where I am now – for better or worse. I’m OK with the way I look, its my skin and I love it.. even when the skin I am in is slightly softer than it used to be and when I’m slowly covering it in tattoos. In fact the tattoos are part of me! I also know that it is OK to have to sporty mummy car, why? Because I can!!!

Getting older rocks… OK so I can’t stay up all night partying because I have a job and family, and I have to colour my hair every 6 weeks because I have a few grey hairs, and yes when I dress up as a princess for my kids party I look more like snow-white’s mother than snow white… but I don’t have to worry about all that nonsense anymore. Because I’m happy with me! I’m cool!

So there you go readers… 7 things about me. My selfish post is now complete – mid-life crisis will continue well into my 40s I predict, and will probably peak around my next invitation to a 30 year high school reunion! But in the mean time, I am going to have fun continuing to discover who Mrs Langdon really is, and what makes her tick. I’ll also enjoy sharing it with you!

So long for now!

Mrs L

x


 
 
 

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